FRONT Magazine
Archive for June, 2013

HEY! I BET I CAN BOUNCE HIGHER THAN YOU!

SEREN GETS HER KNICKERS IN A TWIST

THY ART IS MURDER’S GUIDE TO THE PERFECT AUSSIE BARBECUE

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SUMMER’S HERE, EVERYBODY! You know what that means? Grilling the fuck out of meat outside while getting a good booze jacket on. We caught up with Aussie metallers Thy Art Is Murder to give us the low down on what makes Australian barbies the best in the world.

Love your meat
“We don’t like to discriminate when it comes to different types of meat. Meat is good, we’re not meatists, but we love steak – a good porterhouse or a good rump. We mix it up because we all host barbecues – depending on who hosts it can be really Aussie or sometimes South American with ribs, chorizo etc. We all love bacon, the more bacon the better.”

Veg out
“Onions and mushrooms are the only veg that should be on a barbecue. Thinly sliced potato is really good, too. Thin slices on a hot plate or the grill side – they’re like the best crisps ever. If you feel adventurous add some herbs on there.”

Feel saucy
“You can’t go wrong with BBQ sauce. In Australia BBQ sauce is different to what we’ve had in Europe. In the States it’s sweeter, it’s weird. Ketchup, of course. Anything with chilli. If you put too much chilli you’ll burn your mouth off, you need to find a good medium.” Check it out… »

LUKE’S ALPHABET TOUR: D – DIE ANTWOORD

Don’t say we’re not eclectic here at FRONT. So far on this Alphabet Tour I’ve been to see punks, metallers and pop stars – and now it’s time for a dose of ravey hip-hop madness. It’s Die Antwoord… and it’s going to be off the bonk.

Who: Die Antwoord
When: 22 June, 2013
Where: Brixton O2 Academy, London
Beer: Pint of Carlsberg for £4.30
Average age: 26
Cost of a t-shirt: N/A (didn’t see one)
Best bit: ENTER THE FUCKING NINJA
Worst bit: Waiting around for a millennia before they came on stage. Check it out… »

GABBY & KITTY ARE FRONT TO BACK

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Did you notice we slipped in the name of our magazine in the title there? We’re not averse to subliminal messabuyfrontging you know.

Check out more of Gabriella HERE and Kitty Lea HERE.

ARNIE AND SLY TEAM-UP IN THE ESCAPE PLAN TRAILER

This looks like the exact kind of ludicrous shit that we love to eat at the movies. We can’t help but get shivers every time Arnie says anything, and if you look closely, you can catch a glimpse of a handshake that might rival the Dutch/Dillon one in Predator…

It’s out 27 September.

ALLY TINDSLEY DOES HER ELEPHANT IMPRESSION

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It’s a lot more socially-acceptable than our elephant impression.

Check out a mind-popping Alt Girl DIY gallery of Ally HERE.

FRONT REVIEWS BULA QUO!

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Status Quo have made a movie – we bet you didn’t know that. Well they have. Now that you know, are you going to see it? Probably not. But we’re here to make sure you do. BECAUSE IT IS HILARIOUS.

Bula Quo!’s ‘story’ follows Status Quo as they travel to Fiji to play a gig, but what with Francis and Rick being thrill-seeking fellows, they end up witnessing a murder and getting mixed-up with a bunch of gangsters led by Jon Lovitz. From there on in it’s a race against time (which is travelling extreeeemely slowly) to get footage of the murder to the police before the gangsters get to them. The tagline is “It started with guitars and ended with guns!” – this tells you exactly what to expect.

Bula Quo! is a feature-length embarrassing dad joke – it’s chock-full of groan-inducing anti-gags and misguided attempts at humour. Which is what makes it so funny – there’s a scene where Francis and Rick are confronted by a toy doll with a bomb attached to it, so Francis says “It’s a doll!”, Rick says “No it’s a bomb!” They both stop, pull a stupid face and scream “It’s a blow-up doll!!” This is the best joke in the entire movie. It’s certainly a damn sight better than most of the other ones, like when they both walk past a bunch of people eating a meal in a hotel pool and Rick says “It’s seafood!” That is a ‘gag’ yes, but they follow it up with Francis saying “No, it’s pool food!” THAT IS NO LONGER A ‘GAG’ GUYS, YOU HAVE RUINED IT.

And the less said about the golf-based “You’ve got no balls” joke, the better.

Aside from the terrible jokes, you’ve got quite possibly the slowest chase sequences ever filmed – not ten minutes will go by without someone chasing someone else in an excitement-killing and tension-destroying mode of transport. We’ve got chases in canoes, sight-seeing trams, mopeds and in the longest and most boring chase sequence ever, two golf buggies.

In keeping with the slow theme, we’re also treated to some spectacularly sluggish fight sequences, using weapons such as frying pans (obviously), tongs, flip-flops, grills, boiling water and obviously, loads of punches to the balls. Add to this a completely needless and baffling cannibal-based prologue and two characters that appear out of nowhere about 80 minutes in and disappear immediately about five minutes later (after punching someone in the balls, obviously) and you’ve got an insane jumble of hilarity that has to be seen to be believed.

But amongst all this chaotic rubbish, we couldn’t wipe the smiles off our faces – this was really fun. Also, Rick and Francis are obviously having so much fun too, it can’t help but rub off on you. This is an earnest, innocent PG-rated action movie and as such, it’s impossible to feel anything but happy whilst watching it. If you were in a band that had been going for 40-odd years and had loads of money, why wouldn’t you make a bloody silly action movie set in Fiji? Might as fucking well, eh? They’re nice guys, we like them, they’re having a laugh – and so are we.

Make no mistake, Bula Quo! is shit, but it’s so much fun that it doesn’t matter one bit.

It’s out in cinemas (really?) 5 July.

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