Jealous of all the sexy ladies you’re going to marry after that one.
STAY CLASSY MOTHERFUCKERS, IT’S A NEW ANCHORMAN 2 TRAILER
Everyone loves Anchorman. It’s one of the most quotable films of all-time it’s coming back this December with a potentially even quotier film. We’ve got really high hopes for this.
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STEPHY GREGORY: THE HUMAN CATAPULT
“DUUUUCK!! THERE’S FLYING BRAS AND KNICKERS EVERYWHERE!!”
Check out Stephy’s first ever Alt Girl gallery HERE.
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SATURDAY SOFA CINEMA: SMALL SOLDIERS
When you were a kid, I bet you wished your toys would come alive, no? Hanging out in your room with all your Transformers and Teenage Muant Hero Turtles, gossiping about your parents and that girl in maths that you fancy? WELL YOU WOULDN’T BE WISHING IT IF THEY HAD GUNS AND WERE TRYING TO KILL YOU WOULD YOU? You and your foolish childish wishes, grow up.
That’s what happens in Small Soldiers – little solider toys called Commando Elite are implanted with military micro chips for some reason so they go mental and start trying to kill their arch-enemy toys – The Gorgonites (the friendly ones). Eventually a bunch of pesky kids get caught in the middle and soon there are explosions and staples and remote control cars and The Spice Girls.
Let us explain… Explosions because it’s an action movie (durr brain). Staples because the soldiers have to make their own weapons out of SMALL things because they are SMALL. Remote control cars because they can’t reach the pedals on normal cars. And The Spice Girls because at one point they play The Spice Girls and it’s really good. Always back up your claims everyone.
For a kids film, it’s got a great cast – Tommy Lee Jones, Kirsten Dunst, Phil Hartman, Denis Leary, Frank Langella and David Cross – and it’s full of fantastic visual effects, it’s all round good.
It’s got a Spice Girls song in it. Watch it.
It’s on ITV2 at 6.30pm.
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COMEDIAN/WORLD CHAMPION/STAR OF 30 ROCK JUDAH FRIEDLANDER EXPLAINS HOW TO GO AND WATCH HIM
Judah Friedlander, known to billions of viewers as Frank Rossitano from 30 Rock, as well as the World Champion of sex, athletics and karate, is heading to Britain next month for three nights of stand-up in London (tickets are available here). We got in touch to find out what precautions people should take before going to see him, and also asked him about ping-pong for some reason.
Hi Judah! Firstly, congratulations on your many ongoing victories.
Thank you. Thanks for showing respect. You’re a good citizen of the Earth. When you’re the World Champion, a lot of people are ill-informed about karate and sports, and they’re just jealous.
So, you’re the World Champion…
Yeah. The World Championships are basically karate deathmatches for charity, because I like to give back. Even when I win a karate deathmatch, the proceeds go to charity. It’s important to help out.
You’re very good at ping-pong. Do you prefer calling it ping-pong or table tennis?
Britain claim they invented ping pong, so it’ll be nice to come to the motherland. I prefer the name ping-pong to table tennis. It’s called ping-pong in many different countries. One of the reasons it sometimes has to be called table tennis is that there’s a company, Parker Brothers or another game company, that owns the copyright to the name ping-pong, which is corporate corruption, which is not cool, so I call it ping-pong. The other thing is, ping-pong is its own sport. It doesn’t have the same rules as tennis. You don’t do overhand serves, there’s no volleying at the net, and to my knowledge there are no grass-court ping-pong tables. It’s a different game. Table tennis makes it sound like a subsidiary of tennis. But it’s a different game with different rules. So that’s why I call it ping-pong. I’ve got some videos coming out soon where I’m playing against a ninja, you should watch those.
You’re playing the Soho Theatre in London on the 4th, 5th and 6th of June. How should people prepare to come and see you?
They should probably work out before the show, and make sure they’re in really good health and shape. All my shows come with free Laughter Insurance – most comics, when you go to their show, they make you sign a form to pay for Laughter Insurance, in case you don’t think the show is funny enough, which I think is unfair on the audience. So everyone gets free Laughter Insurance, and you have to sign a Laughter Waiver, just in case. A few weeks ago in New Jersey I did a show and a woman had had surgery a month before, and her stitches started popping because she was laughing so hard, so paramedics had to turn up during the show. So you might want to get medical clearance. That’s all.
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VON IS SHOCKED BY HOW GOOD LOOKING YOU ARE
Oh wait she’s just looking in a mirror. She’s shocked at how good looking SHE is. So are we, to be honest.
Check out more of Von HERE.
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GO AND TAKE A LOOK AT THE NEW ROLLERSNAKES SITE
Hey look! Rollersnakes have launched a brand spanking new website for you to go and buy a load of sweet, sweet stuff from.
The site now features improved search functions, a team page for the Rollersnakes riders and options to share products and content on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest. As well as that you can have a read of their Hooper blog and get free postage on all orders over £70! Get in!
Go take a look at it HERE.
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FRIDAY QUESTION: WHAT’S YOUR BEST FESTIVAL STORY?
Festivals! We love ‘em, you love ‘em. Getting massacred in a field with your mates and watching your favourite bands is hard to beat on the happiness scale, it could only be better if the grass was made out of sweets. So before we get all emotional and start packing our bags for summer, answer us this:
WHAT IS YOUR BEST FESTIVAL STORY?
Post your answers below. And check out the festival guide and Are You Doing Festivals Right? checklist in FRONT 181 HERE.
