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ALEX BAKER ON NEW MUSIC: TRY ME LOVE ME

At a time of year where everyone’s supposed to be rad to each other, I wanted to see people high-fiving in the streets for no discernible reason, I wanted to see people roasting chestnuts on their car bonnets and surgically attaching fake antlers to horse’s heads for Christmassy reindeer vibes! I wanted to pick up some fish from Morrisons’ fishmongers and have that shit handed to me gift-wrapped with a bow made out of cockles or whatever. I wanted to buy a copy of FRONT and for Melissa Clarke to magically materialise before my eyes dressed as a sausage with bacon wrapped round, holding a ball of stuffing in each hand and singing Buble. You know, proper Christmassy shit!

WHAT I DIDN’T EXPECT is to see the kind of kind mind warping, Guantanamo-style stuff that I saw in shopping centres and high streets around the country this festive period. No shit, I saw a mum throw a ‘rival’ child across a shop floor because he was heading for the same toy as she was! Mostly it was hilarious to watch, but I can’t help but feel that launching a child into the air, especially one that you don’t own, is frowned upon at the best of times. People go fucking mental at Christmas and it freaks me out so bad. The tiniest bit of frost and people are screaming and sliding around everywhere like it’s The Snowpocalypse.

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ALEX BAKER ON NEW MUSIC: AUDIOSTROBELIGHT

HOLY SHIT!! I feel like at some point over the past month a lunatic scientist managed to distil the essence of PURE-PARTY and inject it into my spinal column! It’s been intense, have you missed me? Probably not. Have you missed hearing about the most unreal kickass bands in the whole world, before anyone else? OF COURSE YOU FUCKING HAVE!!

The sensible thing to do at this juncture would be to slooooow dooowwwn, but HO HO HO! MERRY CHRISTMAS! No chance you bearded wonder, because the season of Xmas Parties has landed and it’s gonna get wild. So far I’m signed up to five and I’m going to try – TRY – to make a video of the whole season for this here blog. I don’t want to promise it, last time I tried to make a home movie it looked like a bearded mammoth was trying to squash a dolphin – but I expect this will be a different type of film altogether, probably. SO, watch this space.

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ALEX BAKER ON NEW MUSIC: YEARBOOK

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This week’s new music blog from Alex Baker contains illness, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, sacks of wine, all the words in the world, toasted cheese sandwiches and a picture of a man wearing an apron. Only an apron. Serious, there is no controlling the man.

Check it after the jump.
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ALEX BAKER ON NEW MUSIC: GETTING MESSY WITH DEAF HAVANA & TEK-ONE

Alex Baker on new music

This week’s blog contains an exclusive video with Deaf Havana and Tek-One down in Newquay. They’re drunk. Oh so drunk. Check it out after the jump.
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ALEX BAKER ON NEW MUSIC: GNARWOLVES

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[FRONT: This is Alex Baker's latest column. Judging by the amazing bonkersness of the next few paragrahs, we think he may have enjoyed an alcoholic beverage while writing this. It's incredibly crazy. Find out for yourself after the jump...]
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ALEX BAKER ON NEW MUSIC: SIRAH

Alex Baker on New Music: Worship

Alex Baker on new music
You know when you’re so fucking hungover your whole life hurts? Yeah, that.

Last week consisted of a rock’n’roll awards ceremony followed by two after parties and three days of solid field-to-field drinking at Download with the industry branch of Alcoholics Anonymous (aka Bury Tomorrow, Aled In Glass Houses, Don Broco, While She Sleeps and of course, masters of party, FRONT). I’m sure it was amazing . . . who knows?

During the haze I came up with two sick inventions though, wanna hear them? OF COURSE YOU FUCKING DO! Have I mentioned I love inventions? I swear I was a failed wizard or some sort of wannabe inventor in a past life, like Belle’s dad in Beauty And The Beast – I love that motherfucker.

Anyway check out my pieces of Einsteinary after the jump…
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NEW FRONT BLOGGER ALERT: ALEX BAKER ON NEW MUSIC

Alex Baker on new music

So, let me start off my very first blog for FRONT by telling you a story [cue exciting echo effect] “story… story… story…”

As FRONT is the funniest, sexiest mag on Earth, I, like most people, was mad keen to write for them. I bumped into MR. FRONT-Feature-Editor-Man Chris at 2011’s Hevy Festival – he was drunk, I was drunk, there was touching (there wasn’t). He agreed to make me the main man for new music as a FRONT blogger, but unfortunately neither Chris nor I could remember this wonderful inspired epiphany due to the catastrophic amount of Jägermeister consumed. Wounder.

Luckily after months of much convincing, tireless e-mails, drink buying, general bribery, late night phone calls, showing off, idle threats, mental manipulation, stalking, blood-letting, compliments about “beautiful eyes,” a single lie and a bar of Galaxy, I managed to convince Chris that he had most definitely agreed to me working with FRONT on that beautiful evening (I also managed to convince deputy editor Mike – and he wasn’t even there) – and a wonderful partnership between FRONT and me was born. Hurrah!

So, I’m Alex Baker – an international DJ; musician; bloke who signs up bands to the UK Music Roster for Monster Energy; TV Presenter for Kerrang! TV and 4music; Radio Presenter for Kerrang! Radio; Big Deal Clothing Ambassador; judge of various Unsigned competitions and now blogger for FRONT magazine. My life’s mission (seriously, I have it mapped out) is to bring quality new music to anyone that will listen and to try and help stop the bottom falling out of the music industry. I’ve been in bands my whole life and know how important it is to have someone champion you, so that’s what I’m here for.

This blog (as well as my Unsigned Show on K! Radio, obvs) will be your home for new music. If you disagree with me and think the bands I’m going on about are shit then please let me know on twitter @alexbakerman and I will listen to you condescendingly and then carry on as if nothing has happened.

Get stuck in after the jump…
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