Last week saw the annual E3 exhibition in LA, at which all of the big names in gadgetry and gaming flash their shit-hot shiny new wares. Causing the biggest buzz was Project NATAL, Microsoft’s new controller-free gaming system for the Xbox 360.

Taking the Wii’s leaping-about-the-living-room shtick to its logical conclusion, it allows you to accurately control on-screen action by flailing your legs, arms, head and crotch about like an OD-ing raver. There’s no release date for it yet, but we do hope it’s soon, because we fucking well WANT ONE.

It’s 5 June, 2009. We got hideously pissed last night and spent a fucking fortune, which we completely didn’t need to cunting do. Plus, half the government’s resigned and been replaced by Sir Alan fucking Sugar for some reason. Yes, the man who gave us the Amstrad Emailer is now going to be helping run the country. Fuck a stolen duck.

The only thing for it is to turn back to the juice. Go forth and drink, you marvellous people! Drink until your poo comes out smelling like sick, and you feel like you have an arm instead of a head! Drink until you wake up in a ditch wearing a policeman’s helmet and clutching the front half of a piglet, wearing a ladies’ bra and with your foot wedged in a trombone! Drink until your mum phones you up and you accidentally answer it and you feel bad because she raised you and you’re incredibly pissed and you’re really sorry because you love her but you can’t really talk without being a bit sick and you need to go for a lie down. We love you. WACCA WACCA CHING WACCA WACCA BONG.

Magic Oval Crotch? What the fuck is that? All three words make sense on their own, but together it’s all a bit fucking wacky. What’s wrong with just knickers? More vintage bintage in antique pantiques here, y’all.
Via our feminist friends at Jezebel

Christ knows how much it cost to make, mind.

Whoever draws the short straw gets to be Ringo ‘on The Cuntdown’ Starr.