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WHAT WE LEARNED FROM SEEING KENDRICK LAMAR AT THE ITUNES FESTIVAL LAST NIGHT

KendrickLamar

iTunes festival is a bit fucking good. Thirty days of mahoosive bands and artists packing out London’s Roundhouse FOR FREE. THE TICKETS ARE FUCKING FREE. We were lucky enough to get ourselves into Kendrick Lamar’s headline set last night and he did NOT disappoint. Here’s what we learned by watching the hardest working guy in hip-hop.

  • Everyone (unsurprisingly) has an iPhone at the iTunes festival.
  • Just because you can’t smoke inside doesn’t mean you can’t walk out with a cigar like a boss – right, Schoolboy Q?
  • Scroobius Pip also likes Kendrick Lamar – we saw him sat on the balcony. HELLO SCROOBIUS!
  • White boys can’t dance.
  • IT’S STILL NOT ACCEPTABLE TO FILM GIGS ON YOUR FUCKING IPAD!
  • £3 for the cloak room is a bit much, eh?
  • Kendrick Lamar is the coolest guy we’ve ever seen.
  • He’s way shorter than we thought, though.
  • Months of constant festivals have given Kendrick the tightest and sickest performance we’ve seen in a long time.
  • Air horns are a necessity for any hip-hop gig.
  • His verse in A$AP Rocky’s Fuckin’ Problems is bonkers live.
  • Schoolboy Q covered A$AP Rocky but it didn’t have the same effect.
  • The Roundhouse has the best sound and lighting in all of London.
  • The bass is fucking ridiculous!
  • This was the best hip-hop show we’ve ever been to.

The iTunes festival is still going for the next ten days. Apply for free tickets HERE.

Photo credit: iTunes Festival 2013

WHAT WE LEARNED AT DOWNLOAD FESTIVAL 2013

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So we went to one of our favourite places in the world this weekend – Download Festival. Three days of muddy carnage fuelled by more beer than Oktoberfest – this is what festivals are meant to be. We can’t remember much of what happened… but here’s some of what we’ve pieced together from the flashbacks we keep having:

  • Slipknot are STILL one of the greatest live bands of all time. No-one had shit on that performance.
  • It’s great to watch confused Korn fans half-dance to their dubstep tracks.
  • Riding fairground rides at 2am in the rain is possibly the bleakest thing you can do.
  • If you’re in your tent before 3am then you’re not as hardcore as you thought.
  • Free booze is good booze.
  • Nothing will prepare you for seeing a man dressed as a woman pissing into his own mouth at 11am.
  • Too much laughing gas will send your brain into spasm and take you back to your childhood.
  • You can inhale laughing gas out of condoms as long as your self-esteem isn’t very high.
  • Seeing a really sexy lady selling cigarettes is enough to make you start smoking. However, walking up to her and saying “You’re like a wonder from a dream” will not impress anyone.
  • You can’t take a picture of your own shadow with the flash on.
  • Hedges can be slept in.
  • There’s no way to style out being sick mid-sentence.
  • There’s no way to style out pissing yourself in a tent at 6am.
  • Smoking fags that spent the night in that piss is one of the worst things ever.
  • Lifting your shirt up and shouting at a group of photographers “Hey! Hey! Take a picture of me!” will have limited success.
  • If you don’t start your set with a Spitfire flyover then you’re doing metal wrong.
  • People in green high-vis jackets tend to know fuck-all.
  • People in orange high-vis jackets know a tiny bit more.
  • The iguanadon was discovered in 1822 in Lewes by Dr Gideon Mantell.
  • Shitting at a festival is just as harrowing as ever.

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Dates for Download 2014 have already been announced as 13-15 June. We’ll see you there!

WHAT WE LEARNED FROM BEING AT MONDAY NIGHT RAW LAST NIGHT

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Those big brawling bastards from WWE are over in the UK at the minute on the Wrestlemania Revenge Tour and we were lucky enough to get tickets to see the infamous Monday Night Raw at the O2 Arena in London. SmackDown is at the O2 tonight, but this is what we learned from WWE’s premier show…

  • Everyone knows Fandango’s theme tune and will sing it relentlessly until he appears – then everyone will lose their shit while he ballroom dances his way to victory.
  • Even though we’re in the UK, William Regal still can’t win. Poor William.
  • It doesn’t matter who you are, your name will be chanted. Including JBL, Mike Chioda and Cameraman.
  • Most people still hate John Cena.
  • Even if you’re wearing a John Cena t-shirt it’s apparently still ok to boo him.
  • Undertaker is still the meanest motherfucker alive.
  • Mexican waves are awesome.
  • Mexican waves get old fast.
  • Mexican waves suck.
  • It’s only acceptable to cheer for The Shield when they’re kicking the fuck out of John Cena.
  • Mick Foley can still get a cheap pop by naming the city he’s in.
  • Big E Langston is like a tank with legs. There’s more muscles on him than in our entire office, and we’re ripped… honest.
  • It doesn’t matter if you’re meant to be a heel, the British public will cheer you if you’re a bit of a bastard. See Dolph Ziggler, Damien Sandow and Antonio Cesaro.
  • Triple H spitting water everywhere still makes him cooler than you.
  • No matter how hard you try, no-one is going to continue your chant of ‘Zigglypuff’. Sorry guys.
  • It’s impossible not to be the happiest person ever while shouting ‘Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!’ with thousands of other people.

If you’re in London and have a bit of money spare then get along to SmackDown tonight. The Undertaker will be there! And Randy Orton, Sheamus, Alberto Del Rio… the list goes on. Or if you’re in Nottingham the Raw guys are putting on a show at the arena. It’ll be wicked, we promise.

WHAT WE LEARNED AT DC SHRED DAYS, PLUS THE OFFICIAL EDIT

We were invited out to DC Shred Days in Meribel, France last week, where members of the public got the chance to shred with pros – that’s the official edit of the event above, which for some strange reason we seem to have been left out of in favour of, like, good DC riders. We learned a lot while out there though:

  • Blood looks awesome on snow. Properly Viking-style awesome. Even when it’s your own blood, you can appreciate how rad it looks.
  • You get pissed a lot quicker at high altitudes (well, that’s our story and we’re sticking to it).
  • French people genuinely do use the phrase “les rosbifs” to take the piss out of the British. We’d always assumed that was bollocks.
  • In France you can buy a one-litre can of 10% abv beer in a shop for €4. The only catch? It’s fucking disgusting!
  • Snowboarding uses muscles no other activity even touches. Snowboarding badly does, anyway. There’s no knackered like Alps knackered.
  • If you dislocate your finger and pop it back in yourself, it balloons to an enormous size and fills with some kind of fluid. That’s probably a really healthy sign, right?

WHAT WE LEARNED FROM BEING AT THE BRITS 2013

The Brits 2013 - Tignes - Slopestyle by Sam Mellish

Day two for FRONT at The BRITS 2013 in Tignes was a bit of a write-off. The snow just didn’t wanna stop for the riders up on the slopes which made it difficult for the competitions  but that didn’t mean we couldn’t party the fuck out!

That night we traveled 3,000+ ft up the mountain to party with the riders and punters in what turned out a proper fun eventful night. Crazy amounts of boozing, crazy amounts of laughs, fuck loads of dancing with from tunes being spun by The Nextmen and a fuck load of happy people (probably some with sore heads in the morning!).

It was rad, ’cause a train took us up at 9pm and we stayed up till 1:30am and just had to drink our body weight, which we definitely did. It snowed up there… a lot! But every person there couldn’t of had a sicker time.

The next day saw the halfpipe comp won by 24 year old Olympic hope Ben Kilner and budding talent Katie Ormerod both taking home gold medals despite facing a stiff field of competition.

Check back for video footage!

 

WHAT WE LEARNED FROM SEEING LOUIS CK AT THE O2 LAST NIGHT

Louis C.K.

Hey, so last night we got to go along to the O2 and watch Louis CK, possibly the greatest standup comedian of all time. Season one of his TV show Louie is coming to DVD and Blu-Ray on 15 April and season two airs on FOX on 16 April. He’s playing Hammersmith tonight, but here’s what we learned at the O2 last night!

  • Charlie Brooker and Konnie Huq also like Louis CK a lot. We were sat behind them, and they were laughing their heads off.
  • The O2 is a ludicrous venue for standup. The people in the cheapest seats might as well have been at home. It’s SO BIG.
  • Given CK’s relative lack of exposure over here, the crowd was mainly comedy nerds. There were a lot of glasses. There were a lot of beards. Nobody was wearing a Pootie Tang shirt that we could see though, which was a shame (Louis CK wrote and directed that movie back in the 1990s, and it’s a masterpiece of silliness involving a magic belt and a man too cool for language – it’s amazing).
  • Holy holy shit, Louis CK is funny. Like sore-face-from-laughing funny. Like piss-everywhere funny. He’s incredible.
  • If you’re as talented a standup as this dude, you can get away with saying probably the most offensive stuff we’ve ever heard anyone say (at one point he mentioned cumming on a baby) and still seeming like a nice guy. How the fuck does that work?
  • Despite the bar in the O2 being liberally covered in sights saying “Hey, why not do a contactless payment?”, the bar staff don’t know how the machine works. Also it’s £4.90 for a fucking pint. FOUR HUMAN POUNDS AND NINETY FARTING PENCE. WHY?
  • Louis CK is the funniest man in the world. Did we say that already?

Go and buy Louie season one on DVD and Blu-Ray on 22 April or watch season two on FOX starting on 17 April. It’s fucking funny.

WHAT WE LEARNED FROM BEING IN THE SAME ROOM AS CANNIBAL CORPSE LAST NIGHT

Last night the death metal titans Cannibal Corpse played The Forum in Kentish Town, London. They were supporting Devildriver (who we unfortunately had to leave before), but we just couldn’t miss these legendary gory bastards tearing north London a new one. Here’s what we learned…

  • It’s a really dumb move to go to see one of the biggest death metal bands of all time and not take earplugs. Fuck.
  • Pushing to the front of a Cannibal Corpse show with a freshly inked tattoo on your arm is one of the most idiotic and painful experiences you can do. Not recommended at all.
  • Unlike support band The Black Dahlia Murder, the circle pits don’t open for Cannibal Corpse. But there’s a fuckload of headbanging, beer chugging and horn throwing. Bare metulz.
  • Frontman George “Corpsegrinder” Fisher looks like Nathan Explosion from Dethklok.
  • Not all Devildriver fans are fans of Cannibal Corpse. Especially the drunken dude who kept shouting “You fucking suck!” to the annoyance of everyone around him, including his friends. Fuck that guy.
  • The colour red is evil as fuck. Black Sabbath might drown their stage in ominous purple lighting but emblazoning your band name in gory red letters on the stage and shining blood red lights everywhere lets everyone know you mean business. It’s a shame there were no penguins on stage or we could have made a classic joke.
  • Silence is way more metal than roaring. Any frontman can make the crowd shout and scream on command, but Corpsegrinder silences over 1000 people in the blink of an eye with a hand movement and the usual “Shhhh”. There’s something malevolent and eerie about a silent auditorium covered in red lighting.
  • Our neck muscles aren’t what they used to be. Good ol’ Corpsegrinder can windmill like a motherfucker and put everyone in The Forum to shame. His neck is about the size of our waist, it’s like he swallowed a fucking tyre.
  • I Cum Blood is either the best or worst name for a song ever.

The Cannibal Corpse/Devildriver UK tour continues all weekend in Nottingham, Manchester and Glasgow. Dates HERE.

WHAT WE LEARNED FROM BEING IN THE SAME ROOM AS WARREN ELLIS LAST NIGHT


Comics supremo and bestselling novelist Warren Ellis (Transmetropolitan, The Authority, Freakangels) did a talk and a Q&A at Foyle’s bookshop yesterday to promote his new book Gun Machine. We went along, and it was ace, and we learned a lot. Here’s what we found out:

- The vast majority of people who attend a Warren Ellis event have giant beards. Pretty much the only person there not to have an enormous beard was the incredibly talented (and very pretty) Molly Crabapple.
- Warren Ellis came pretty close to being on one of the hijacked flight from 9/11. He decided to go via Chicago at the last minute instead.
- Gravel is currently being developed as a film by Legendary Pictures.
- There might be a sequel to Gun Machine – at the moment Ellis isn’t sure whether he’ll write a follow-up, but he has a few notes on how it would go if he did.

Check it out… »

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