FRONT Magazine

I ONLY WATCH 18S’ MUST-SEE MOVIES: BRONSON

IONLYWATCH18s

So Only God Forgives got booed at Cannes – “WAH WAH WAH THAT FILM WAS WAY TOO GOOD FOR ME AND MY SMALL DICK BOO HOO HOO” is probably what a stuffy film critic said, you know what they’re fucking like. Obviously, I have not seen Only God Forgives but I can see into the future (that poo you’re gonna do tonight will STINK, trust blud) so I know it’s going to be good. How? Because it stars that dream-boat Hunkasaurus Rex from Drive and also it is directed by that marvellous neck-head Nicolas Winding Refn, you know, the man who only makes really good films? Yeah that one.

“But why are you harping on about Nicolas Winding Refn and why are your trousers in the bath?” I hear you scream, well it’s because Refn also directed Bronson once – which is what I’m going to talk about today. Not for long mind, I’ve already reviewed it before and I’m not in the habit of repeating myself – I’ve got things to do, people to see, pisses to piss – I’m a busy man.

Bronson is about real-life criminal Charles Bronson, some bloke who robbed a Post Office, got put in prison and once inside, made a bit of a name for himself by being a bit of a bastard to everyone – a bit like an English Chopper (if you haven’t seen Chopper, then you should – it’s fucking bonza mayt. BBQ.). Tom Hardy plays the eponymous nutcase, and is very good in the role – unlike when he did that fat gas-mask prick from that Superman film – “Ooooh, I’m the Joker, wibblywobblywomblFUCK.” Comic book movies can read my arse-lips – YOU’RE SHIT. Apart from all the Punishers obviously.

So yeah, this is good because Refn is good and Hardy is good – it’s good. I’m only going to say this once – give it a watch ok? I’m not in the habit of repeating myself.

BYE.

It’s on Film4 tonight at 12.40am.

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