Look, I’m gonna give credit to George A Romero – he basically invented the zombie movie genre, so I’ve got a lot to thank him for. But when I look back on his zombie movies, they’re not actually that good – Day Of The Dead is fucking wicked and Dawn Of The Dead and Night Of The Living Dead are ok, but the rest can suck it BIG TOWNS. Diary Of The Dead was so SHIT I SHAT. What I’m basically trying to say here is…
I LIKED THE DAWN OF THE DEAD REMAKE MUCH MORE THAN THE ORIGINAL!
Sue me. Shoot me. Fuck me. Do whatever you want, I’m sticking to my gun (my penis) – it’s better. Of course, there’s the whole argument concerning the fact that a remake wouldn’t exist if it wasn’t for the original but I hate arguments because there’s no point ever getting into one because I’m always right about everything and every single other person in this entire universe is a shit idiot.
The original Dawn Of The Dead is ok, but it’s boring – it’s got a bunch of interesting characters and some flawless gore, but it’s as slow as one of its own fucking grey-arse zombies. The first two times I attempted it, I fell asleep. The first time I watched the remake however (in the cinema, too), I was so far off the edge of my seat that I went round the world and I ended up sitting back in exactly the same place I’d been sitting in the first place – proof right there how exciting it was.
At first I was against the fast-moving zombies ripped straight from 28 Days Later, but it fucking works here – they’re poo-pants scary. It also keeps up the lovely gore-quotient and this time there’s even a sex scene in it, which is always welcome. I love a good sex scene, me -–just ask Blow-Up Barbara that lives in my flat, she’s a right ol’ gossip.
Dawn Of The Dead is stylish, breakneck, inventive, terrifying and smart – I enjoyed the smut out of it. Even more so than the original. Now quit whinging and jump on my bandwagon, we’re going to Laser Quest.
It’s on Sky Movies Sci-fi & Horror at 12.40am.
Follow me on Twatter/Shitter at @ionlywatch18s you screeching bastards.