FRONT Magazine

I ONLY WATCH 18S’ MUST-WATCH MOVIES: PROM NIGHT

Yo! I’ve got a real fucking issue with Hollywood taking sweet 18s from the 70s and 80s and bussing them in the gooch by remaking them as 15s and 12s. WELL DONE MR HOLLYWOOD EXECUTIVE, YOU’VE MADE A LOAD OF MONEY, BUT YOU’VE LOST OUT ON AN INVITE TO MY CHEESE AND WINE (AND LARPING) EVENING, HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY.

One such 18 that has been remade recently was Prom Night. The original is wicked, the remake hangs from the anus of a donkey. Don’t worry your little privates though, because the original and best Prom night is on tonight.

It’s about this bunch of naughty kids who go to some weird abandoned warehouse and kill one of their mates by accident – whoops! Anyway, fast-forward about 15 years and they’re all at school and having a laugh and sporting crazy haircuts and doing sex and smoking drugs and carrying books and opening lockers and shit – when all of a sudden, some thunder-fuck starts stalking them and merking their fucking guts out with a knife!

Yeah, it’s the standard slasher movie formula but it was made in1980, so you can let it off. Also, Jamie Lee Curtis is in it, and she was in the the best slasher movie of all time – Halloween – so she gives it a bit of gravitas. “Yeah, but which king of the movie spoof is also in it playing a straight role you stinking bastard?” I hear you scream through your gas mask, well, it’s Leslie Nielsen isn’t it? Yep, back before he’d fully entered into Naked Gun (never seen ANY of them, FUCK THEM ALL TO HELL) territory, he used to play the straight man, and he does just that in Prom Night.

If you need more reasons to watch it, I’ve got two:

1) There is some very good disco music on the soundtrack.
2) The prom ‘king’ gets his head shat off and chucked onto the runway during prom. Don’t drink at prom, YOU’LL GET OFF YOUR HEAD – classic joke.

It’s on The Horror Channel tonight at 9pm. I’d suggest you cancel your plans of banging your head against a brick wall whilst popping smarties up your bum, and watch Prom Night instead, trust me, it’ll be worth it. Weirdo.

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