FRONT Magazine


You were a disgrace last night. What you did with that Cumberland sausage… fucking hell. You’ll need something to get over it won’t you? Well, we’ve got the perfect thing – Back To The Future Part III. It’s on at 7pm on ITV2.

We’ll ignore the glaring fact that none of the Back To The Future movies went back to the dinosaurs’ time so none of them are truly five-star films, and instead focus on this third entry – the one where they done go and see the cowboys. YEEHAW!

It immediately follows the second film (the one with the hoverboards), and focuses on Doc being trapped in 1885, before Marty fixes up that wicked car and travels back to save him. They also notice that Doc is about to get murdered by that prick Biff Tannen’s great-grandfather so they have to set about stopping that from happening too. Oh and Doc meets a hot woman who falls in love with him, even though he is an insane weirdo that would most definitely be unattractive to females in real life. Hey but this is the movies so FUCK OFF!

Contrary to popular belief, we feel that this is the third best of the Back To The Future movies, because the first one is wicked and the second one is set IN THE FUTURE. Notice how we said ‘third best’ and not ‘worst’ though, that’s because it’s still well good – we can’t think of too many trilogies that have kept up the quality to this extent. Terminator was let down by it’s third entry, as was Alien, so too Scream. I guess we’ll have to go with Leprechaun. Yeah Leprechaun – the first three are as good as Back To The Future.

Sorry, we blacked out for a second there, where were we?

Oh yeah, Back To The Future III – it’s well good. It’s got cool fist-fights, cool cars, cool white hair and a cool train time-machine thingy the origin of which is never explained. How on Earth did Doc Brown create that thing whilst living in 1885? Who knows, but this is the movies so FUCK OFF!

Also, the single best moment to come out of any Back To The Future film is featured in this one, just look:

It’s on at 7pm, ITV2. Watch it you punks!

Or if you’ve seen Back To The Future III too many times, Crocodile Dundee II is on at 6:55pm on Channel 4 – we’ve seen it but it was fucking ages ago and we can’t remember enough to talk about it. Can’t even remember if it was good or shit? PROBABLY GOOD.

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