Look, we know watching a subtitled film on a hangover is a bad idea – the last thing you want to do is READ (apart from FRONT, obviously). However, we also know that watching a huge monster smash up a city on a hangover (your hangover, not the monster’s) is definitely a good idea. So what do you do? You can’t watch the best one ever – Godzilla (or Gojira) – because it’s in Japanese. Well we’ve got just the thing for you! The American remake! YAAAY, they took everything that was great about the original and made it shitter!
But also better. Just in a shit way.
This time around the giant lizard heads to New York and basically careers about town smashing the shit out of all the buildings and stepping on people and stuff. Not much really happens apart from this. You’ve got Ferris Bueller, Leon and Moe from the Simpsons running about after it and also a couple of helicopters shooting missiles at it, but that’s it really.
OH AND ALSO there are loads of little mini-Godzillas that live underground and look like a cross between velociraptors and those weird blind motherfuckers from Tremors 2. This sub-plot is shit though – UNTIL THE END! CLIFFHANGER ALERT!!
Anyway, disengage your brain with this one and just watch a huge lizard treading on things, then when it’s finished, go into your attic, get that fold-up plastic toy road-map, grab a load of toy cars, make some buildings out of lego, set it all out in your bedroom, get naked and stamp all over it. Optionally you can drink some petrol and spit it all out onto a match. You will hurt yourself but it’ll be fun.
BONUS FACT: Obviously the Japanese Godzilla fans and filmmakers weren’t too happy about the Americans nicking their idea and making it shit, so in the 2004 movie Godzilla: Final Wars they included a little ‘fuck you’ to the US. Watch the clip below and see if you don’t notice something rather amusing:
Yes, that’s the American version of Godzilla getting absolutely merked by the Japanese one! Take that, Hollywood!
It’s on 5* at 6.20pm.