Wounds are the band that your mum doesn’t want you to know about… you know why? Because she’s secretly annihilating them all backstage whilst snorting talcum powder off their chests – the band gave her the talcum powder by the way – she’s a notorious liability your mum, last thing she needs is drugs! JESUS!
The musical world is full of poseurs, people with more fashion sense than musical ability, but Wounds are potentially one of the most fucking awesome bands I’ve come across in years. When you play No Future you suddenly feel like some sort of invincible, crusty, punk cunt who just wants to party and drink until you die. When you listen to Dead Dead Fucking Dead you need to curl up into a ball and weep into your missus’ lap – it’s horrible, gnarly music, but no matter what sound the band are fucking your ears with, you FEEL it like a hammer in your nuts. WHY? Because Wounds are authentic and it’s a breath of, well, I was gonna say ‘fresh air’ but more like ‘sweaty, ashy air’.
Their debut album Die Young speaks for itself. Ten anthems all about four dudes from Dublin who probably won’t make it past 30, unless they can get into a lifestyle that promotes longevity – which, currently, seems pretty unlikely. My suggestion is that you buy their album and watch them at as many shows as you can before one of them marries a lunatic and she blows their head off with a shotgun… allegedly.
If you’ve been reading these columns for a while now, you’ll know that I like to have a few words with all the bands I feature, but I went to extra-special lengths to meet up with these guys…
…I sold one of my kidneys (it was ruined anyway, in your face whoever gets that!) and chartered a private jet to take me to Dublin. On arrival it dawned on me that I had no idea where Wounds lived, the phonebook is so 90s, so I decided to cause a bit of a stir to draw them out. There’s a big-ass castle in Dublin with loads of grass around it, so I drank pure lemon acid for 30 days straight then pissed the Wounds logo into the grass. The evening passed and in the morning a 50 foot Wounds logo was scorched into the Earth! I was admitted to hospital due to scarring within my penis and insane amounts of bladder damage BUT IT WAS WORTH IT, because as I watched the live news feed from my hospital bed, the band gathered around the pissy-grass motif and started getting questioned by the police. I’D FOUND THEM. I hopped out of bed, agonisingly pissed myself, jumped in a cab and went to meet the guys…
SHIT, Aiden, I found you, I’m so stoked!! How’s it going?
Alex! What’s up my dude? Did you piss this for us? Not bad, I guess. Yeah man we’re feeling good, young, angry, happy, thirsty, and hungry, like a big sexy band-eating wolf.
Yeah, I know you’re probably going to get in loads of trouble for this whole ‘Wounds logo in castle grounds’ thing – but you have to admit, your logo is SO sick… how did you come up with it?
I drew it on my hand at work and then kept drawing it everywhere because it was easier to vandalise things with that instead of writing the name. We’re eventually going to brand it into ourselves like the big fat cows that we are but up until then we all have these shitty W tattoos on the inside of our lips that we got when we were extremely high and drunk and they look like dead spiders or something. When it gets more popular we’re just going to sell it to a rich popstar whose name begins with W.
Your video for No Future is a drug-taking/booze-destroying marathon of disgraceful-party-shenanigans. AND it perfectly fits the sound of your band – be honest, are you nice boys really, or are you horrible humans?
We are four genuinely lovely people who realise how frail and fragile life can be, and that it can all be over in the blink of an eye, so yeah we are four very excessive young boys – we like to drink too much, fuck too much and basically do what we want, when we want. But we don’t hurt anybody along the way. And that’s what our live shows are, we’re not there to watch these fuckin’ virgins bounce around off each other and get angrier, we’re there to help these virgins be… What’s the word for the opposite of virgin? I dunno un-virgin, that’ll do. Shit’s good. Life’s too short, man.
I once saw a dude split his ballsack open when a grind went wrong, skateboard straight in the sack, nuts everywhere, it was like a Snickers, but fucking horrible. What’s the nastiest shit you’ve ever seen? In fact, didn’t James fall FOUR STORIES from a balcony once?
James has the benefit of not remembering any of it due to the coma and what I saw was a whole lot of blood and guts and how real the world is. Five minutes before we were laughing and joking, five minutes later I’m sucking blood from his lungs. It was fucking hard. For both of us man, but it made us deeper than brothers. All of us. The whole band. Nothing fazes us anymore. We’re invincible. Also, our bass player Aaron autographing a dude’s nut sack was a low point.
HAHAHA DIRTY BASTARD!! What a photo!!! Shit James, can’t believe you were in a coma, what was that like?
It felt like a dream. Where you can’t wake up and you’re waiting to wake up, how much we’ve just hurt ourselves, and possibly ruined our lives. It’s hard to talk about, not just in emotional way but just that feeling is hard to describe. Perspective man.
I’ll be back soon, but in the meantime, download my latest Spotify Playlist HERE YO!