FRONT Magazine

WHAT WE LEARNED AT DOWNLOAD FESTIVAL 2013

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So we went to one of our favourite places in the world this weekend – Download Festival. Three days of muddy carnage fuelled by more beer than Oktoberfest – this is what festivals are meant to be. We can’t remember much of what happened… but here’s some of what we’ve pieced together from the flashbacks we keep having:

  • Slipknot are STILL one of the greatest live bands of all time. No-one had shit on that performance.
  • It’s great to watch confused Korn fans half-dance to their dubstep tracks.
  • Riding fairground rides at 2am in the rain is possibly the bleakest thing you can do.
  • If you’re in your tent before 3am then you’re not as hardcore as you thought.
  • Free booze is good booze.
  • Nothing will prepare you for seeing a man dressed as a woman pissing into his own mouth at 11am.
  • Too much laughing gas will send your brain into spasm and take you back to your childhood.
  • You can inhale laughing gas out of condoms as long as your self-esteem isn’t very high.
  • Seeing a really sexy lady selling cigarettes is enough to make you start smoking. However, walking up to her and saying “You’re like a wonder from a dream” will not impress anyone.
  • You can’t take a picture of your own shadow with the flash on.
  • Hedges can be slept in.
  • There’s no way to style out being sick mid-sentence.
  • There’s no way to style out pissing yourself in a tent at 6am.
  • Smoking fags that spent the night in that piss is one of the worst things ever.
  • Lifting your shirt up and shouting at a group of photographers “Hey! Hey! Take a picture of me!” will have limited success.
  • If you don’t start your set with a Spitfire flyover then you’re doing metal wrong.
  • People in green high-vis jackets tend to know fuck-all.
  • People in orange high-vis jackets know a tiny bit more.
  • The iguanadon was discovered in 1822 in Lewes by Dr Gideon Mantell.
  • Shitting at a festival is just as harrowing as ever.

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Dates for Download 2014 have already been announced as 13-15 June. We’ll see you there!

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