Ahoy there you fucking excellent person, you. We can’t help but notice there’s something different about you at the moment. That warming glow about you seems to have left you behind, those glimmering eyes just don’t glimmer no more. What’s up? Is it because you’re yet to find yourself the newest and fucking excellentest issue of FRONT, a magazine so good that it turns even the most miserable of fucktards into dancing, prancing, excitable legends? Take a look below, and see what we mean:
ALYSHA x ARABELLA: THE GREATEST DUO SINCE JON BON AND JOVI
Before you start, yes, we know Jon Bon Jovi wasn’t two piece, but imagine if they were. Only two people in the middle of Wembley stadium singing, ‘Whooooah ho, livin’ on a prayer’ and everyone going mad and them being amazing and us crying and them dabbing our tears with their fingers… we may have thought about this a little too much. Just look down there and see what you’re missing out on. G’wan, a long, hard look.
TOMMY LEE SHOOTS THE SHIT
Cor, isn’t it embarrassing when you’re interviewing one of the biggest rockstars in the world, and then one of the other biggest rockstars in the world walks in and tries to take over your questions? Pfft, those crazy bloody rockstars, eh? Find out exactly what the fucking fuck went on when we met Mötley Crüe’s Tommy Lee this month.
SABINE IS BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND
You wanted her, and cos we love you more than boffins love brown smelly cardigans, we flippin’ gave you her. Be warned though, you’ll close those sexy pages slightly in love with her. Honest.
SNOWBOARDS: KNOW YOUR SHIT
Imagine this: there’s been a ten-foot puke of fresh snow in your local town, rendering every road, workplace and pub closed. The only thing for it is to crack out your boarding gear and run to the nearest slope to impress some upsettingly-hot ladies. But wait! Your snow gear sucks ass! Your chances of love are melting away like Jack Frost’s droopy balls. If only you’d read FRONT and taken in their fave snowboards of the 2012 season. Sucks to be you!
PLUS! A Day To Remember, Lamb Of God, Wretch 32, The JCQ, Andrew Reynolds, Turbowolf and snooty dinosaurs.