FRONT Magazine

SATURDAY SOFA CINEMA: THE SCORPION KING

scorpionking

In case you’re an idiot or you’ve been living underneath a large rock*, you’ll know that the Rock is awesome – it’s a well-known fact. We’re just making sure this is all clear before we start talking about The Scorpion King and you disagree. We want you to know that you’ll be wrong.

The Scorpion King was The Rock’s first starring role after his turn in The Mummy Returns (which incidentally has the worst/scariest piece of CGI we’ve ever let into our nightmares) and it’s a right good old time at the movies. It’s exactly the kind of movie we wanted from The Rock as his first proper film – basically just an excuse for him to beat a sock-load of disposable henchmen up with a bunch of wrestling moves and a big bow and arrow.

It’s essentially like a big-budget version of Hercules: The Legendary Journeys, which in our book is a very good thing indeed – the costumes, set design, locations and FIGHTING are all spot-on for this kind of flick. It’s got its massive Rock tongue in its massive Rock cheek too, which makes it ‘not-laughable’ or something, shut up.

Anyway, it’s on today and it will make your afternoon much better, it will also put your antics last night into perspective – no matter how many pint glasses you smash and how loud you beat your chest in the beer garden, YOU ARE NOT AS HARD AND COOL AS THE ROCK.

It’s on SyFy at 4pm.

*Not the actor The Rock, otherwise you would know that he is awesome – we meant an actual rock.

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