FRONT Magazine

FRONT REVIEWS JACK RYAN: SHADOW RECRUIT

jackryaninnitWe went to see Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit yesterday, the rebooting/restarting/reimagining of the Jack Ryan franchise that had previously starred Alec Baldwin, Harrison Ford and Ben Affleck as the titular CIA analyst. Chris Pine of Captain Kirk fame (and the all-but-forgotten Lindsay Lohan flick Just My Luck, where he played the unluckiest man in the world, because obviously the unluckiest man in the world would look like a handsome movie star) has taken the role on, with Kevin Costner as his CIA mentor, Keira Knightley as his missus and Kenneth Branagh (who also directed it) as a bad Russian sod. Here’s what we think, twelve or so hours later: Check it out… »

Leave a reply

IT’S THE NEW VIDEO FROM RAT ATTACK

Start the week by thinking about just how much fucking fun the weekend is with the new tune Saturday Night Feeling by Rat Attack. We love these catchy punky bastards, so much so that we threw a fuckload of paint at them in FRONT 179 that you can DOWNLOAD FOR FREE HERE.

Leave a reply

ARABELLA’S DOING AN IMPRESSION OF THE JOLLY GREEN GIANT

ARABELLA-FRONT-MAGAZINE-179-02

Only she’s forgotten the top. And she’s not giant. AND she doesn’t really look that jolly. She’s not really thought this one through…

Check out more of Arabella HERE.

Leave a reply

SATURDAY SOFA CINEMA: ACE VENTURA: PET DETECTIVE

aceJim Carrey is FUCKING HILARIOUS. Especially when he’s playing Ace Ventura, which is great news for you and us, because Ace Ventura: Pet Detective is on today. It genuinely is one of the funniest films ever made, and that’s exactly what you need right now isn’t it? You need to lighten up and stop beating yourself up about what you did last night – you were a disgrace. Big time. Fuck.

Anyway, get over that by watching Jim Carrey pulling stupid faces, talking out of his bum and banging his head on things. It’s what cinema was invented for. That and explosions. Are there any explosions in Ace Ventura? You’ll have to wait and see (also, we can’t remember). It’s on 5* at 5.20pm.

Wow, you really were scraping the bottom of the barrel last night you piece of shit.

 

Leave a reply

THIS FUCKING DORK SURE CAN PLAY POOL


This is the trailer for trickshot pro (turns out that’s a thing) Florian Kohler‘s new DVD (turns out DVDs consisting solely of trickshots are a thing), and as nerdy and appalling as the idea of a trickshot pro is (what’s wrong with just playing pool, motherfucker?), the dude’s fucking good. The only trick we can ever do is accidentally pocketing a ball and pretending it was deliberate.

[via Sploid]

Leave a reply

TEN SEXY GIRLS: WITH GOOD TASTE IN MODERN CINEMA

FRONT - TEN SEXY GIRLS - DVD - COVER

We like films, you like films, and sexy girls like films. How do we know? Because they’ve all got well-good DVD collections innit. So check out this awesomely mind-blowing gallery of ten sexy girls and their awesome taste in movies.

LORA – NAPOLEON DYNAMITE (This means all you dorks out there have a chance)

HELEN – TAKEN (This means that you shouldn’t mess with her because she’ll beat the shit out of you)

SOPHIE – QUENTIN TARANTINO BOXSET (This means she has a potty mouth, which is fucking good)

ROSIE – SOME POSH ONES WE’VE NEVER HEARD OF (This means she’s way out of your league)

GEMMA – JUNO (This means she’s a lot cooler than you – you won’t even be able to understand all her cool slang, either)

LUCY – CITY OF GOD (This means she can speak Portuguese)

MICA – INGLORIOUS BASTERDS (This means she can speak German. Oh and she’ll deck you with a baseball bat if you step out of line)

CHELSEA & ABBIE  – FARGO (This means you’re going in the fucking wood chipper if you act up)

MEL – 8 MILE (This means she can spit dench bars and par you HARD, still)

BELLA – SAW (This means she’ll win any argument with you because she’s good at TRAPPING people. Or something)

DON’T BELIEVE US? CHECK OUT THE FULL GALLERY BELOW Check it out… »

Leave a reply

I ONLY WATCH 18S’ MUST-SEE MOVIES: COMMANDO

IONLYWATCH18s

cropandoinnoit

Arnold Schwarzenegger is one of my favourite human beings – I fucking love him. He’s given the world some of the best films ever made and if you disagree then not only are you wrong, but you’re also DEAD wrong. Oh and you’re a cunt.

Commando is one of Schwarzenegger’s best films and if you disagree, see above (you cunt). It’s about this bloke with dench whips and cut abs (no, not me silly!) called John Matrix, who has to go and find his daughter, who is named Chenny and has been kidnapped by an Australian man who wears a cute little vesty westy and has a high-pitched voice. Along the way, Arnie blatoid sees fit to merk as many bad guys as is humanly possible. This leads to one of the greatest scenes in the history of cinema (cunt), where Arnold runs about this giant mansion and dashes so many pricks with his machine gun that it’s got to be seen to be believed.

It also has some of Arnie’s best lines, I’ve included a couple of them below. I know them all from memory so I don’t even need to check if they’re right or not:

Sully: Matrix, I thought you said you’d kill me last!

John Matrix: I’M A FUCKING LIAR.

***

Cindy: What happened to Sully?

John Matrix: I DROPPED HIM OFF A FUCKING CLIFF. ZOOM ZAMMAZAM!

***

John Matrix: [Throws giant pipe through Bennet's chest] LET YOUR FUCKING HAIR DOWN, BENNET.

Think they’re the best ones. Anyway, it’s on Sky Movies Action & Adventure at 11.50pm innit. While you’re waiting for it to come on, you could do a lot worse than following me on Twitter: @ionlywatch18s.

Leave a reply

LASS LIKES FAT JOE

LASS-177-03

Especially that Lean Back song.

Lass is on the cover of FRONT 190 donchaknow? Download it HERE and check out more of Lass over HERE.

Leave a reply

Page 10 of 995« First...89101112...203040...Last »