Look, let’s get this straight ok, all of the Fast And Furious films are good, right? They are all good, even Tokyo Drift. If you want a little bearing on how good, we’ve put them in order of greatness, with the shittest last:
The Fast And The Furious
Fast And Furious 5
2 Fast 2 Furious
Fast and Furious
The Fast And The Furious: Tokyo Drift (when we say ‘shittest’, do not be led to believe that this film is in any way ‘shit’)
Well, it’s time to fucking mix up that list because Fast And Furious 6 can pop itself up to the top of that list, or at least the second spot – nostalgia is a powerful thing, which reminds us, WASN’T POWER RANGERS GREAT?
Fast And Furious 6 is extremely good, by which we mean it’s quite bad, but also extremely good. This is not a subtle franchise – everything you learned in physics class (nothing, then) is thrown out the window to make way for enough implausible and preposterous action to fill our bed after a night out. This is pure spectacle, and it’s brilliant.
The film surrounds Dwayne ‘Hey look how small your arms are compared to mine, matter of fact, look how small your legs are compared to them too’ Johnson as Hobbs, an imaginary tiger that exists solely in the mind of a six year-old boy a brick shitter of a DSS Agent, who has to recruit a bunch of criminals (Vin Diesel, Paul Walker and co) to help stop a naughty man (Luke ‘Hopefully I’m not this year’s Taylor Kitsch’ Evans) who wants to kill a load of people or some other entirely irrelevant shit. Along for the ride are all your ‘favourites’ from the previous films, as well as Gina Carano, who is very beautiful, and if you say otherwise she’ll tear your spine out through your mouth and strangle you with it (she is good at fighting).
So off everybody goes on a breakneck flail about London (special shout-out to the guy in the screening who loudly pointed out that the Tube Station was geographically incorrect – WELL DONE MATE, WHAT A KEEN EYE YOU HAVE) in cars and trucks and TANKS and motorbikes and special rampy/flippy formula one car thingies, whilst occasionally getting out of said vehicles and fucking punching each other in the head really hard a couple of times.
The car sequences are so extreme and OTT, that any qualm about a lack of gravity or misgiving about a human being’s indestructibility can be dashed the fuck OUT because it doesn’t matter what your name is – this is dumb fun and you’re gonna like it, dummy. Also, it suddenly turns into a Jet Li movie at a couple of places and people are spin-kicking off walls and flipping their heels into each other’s crotches – it’s actually very well done martial arts. On the less graceful end of the spectrum you’ve got Vin Diesel delivering a flying headbutt to one unlucky shit, so there’s that too.
With this much good, you can basically ignore the bad – the hokey script, the over-earnest acting, the macho posturing – because WHO GIVES A SHIT when there’s a fucking tank driving down a freeway. There was one bloke at the front of the cinema who was force-laughing his HEAD OFF every time there was a slightly cheesy line – incorrect, because unless we’re talking about The Room, shitty dialogue is not laugh-out-loud funny – and shame on the rest of the audience who followed suit once they realised that they were supposed to be ‘laughing’ to prove to everyone that they’ve seen better films than Fast And Furious 6 – RESPECT.
Anyway, Fast And Furious 6 is well good, and we recommend you go and see it the very millisecond it comes out. Also, stick around after the end for the single best post-credits sequence we have ever seen in our lives. It’ll blow your bum through the roof.
It’s out on May 17th.
